5/16/2023 0 Comments New girl song bar![]() He left the trees to the birds, dropped the pounds, and moved up in corporate America. Soon enough, his boss fell ill (to the tune of “Gangsta’s Paradise” because…?) and advised him that money was all that mattered in this world. Unfortunately, Schmidt knew he was too rotund for a looks-conscious ad man position, so he joined Nick on a Christmas tree lot, helped by how his “wide center of gravity made freakishly strong.” While Schmidt slimmed down and toned up through manual labor, he also worked on his sales pitches. After the guy she was dating, who happened to be in advertising, off-handedly advised Schmidt that he’d never get a girlfriend without a more lucrative occupation, Schmidt abandoned altruism for good. Nick offered a different perspective: “ like a 300-pound wall of peppermint bark.”) He took a right turn away from selflessness, though, when he developed a crush on an NILTH (“Nurse I’d Like to Hug”). ![]() Dying people wanted to be me,” he explained. Like Jess, Schmidt had also been a volunteer once. used a lot of swear words then got sexual.” Considering Winny the Bish couldn’t even decide on a consolation drink (Nick ended up pouring his usual double amaretto with extra cherries), his immediate future is dicey at best. Ensuring he’d have to make a real go of this new independence, he “burnt a lot of bridges today… stuff got weird, stuff got racial. Was he, as he wondered aloud, “just living inside the mind of a giant?” That quandary aside, Winston finally did make a decision - to quit his current job. Throughout his glory days as “the ninth man off the bench in the eighth-best team in Latvia,” which resulted in a transfer to a hillside team and a consequent career-ending injury, Winston had been a pawn of fate all along. Only problem? Through the course of telling his story, he realized he’d never made a decision in his damn life - well, except for some truly questionable style choices (a nose ring and Dennis Rodman-style blue-and-cheetah-dyed hair, for starters). Winny was trying to emphasize the importance of making decisions, claiming he’d had to make some really tough ones in his day. Winston got the ball rolling when he flashed back to himself being handed a basketball as an hours-old infant. When $45 of Scotch from the guys’ tasting didn’t provide any clarity, Jess began to listen to the stories of her friends and roommates.
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